That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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