Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
