I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
