"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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