There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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