Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize