You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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