I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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