I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Actions speak louder than pants.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
