I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
