You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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