Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
