did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
