why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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