Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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