She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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