I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
