I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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