what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
