Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize