watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would ride that face into the sunset
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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