I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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