i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
