12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
