I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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