He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
