I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
