what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
