a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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