plz talk dirty to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
