i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
