He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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