Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
