I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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