Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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