Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
