i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
