So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
pray to the hookup gods
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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