If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
