party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
