i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
