my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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