I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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