everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
