Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
