I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
