Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
