saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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