Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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