Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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