Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
