That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
