feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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