i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize