So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
