As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
