I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
