Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
