I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
