I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you had me at cake vodka
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
