I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
