Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
