Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
