OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
