It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
