he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
