If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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